Editorial : Start A National Registry Of Hammer Owners

ScreenHunter_155 Jan. 07 13.17

According to FBI statistics, Americans are more likely to be murdered by a hammer than by a rifle.

FBI — Expanded Homicide Data Table 11

The government needs to pass laws banning all future hammer sales. Existing hammers can be grandfathered in if the individual pays a $200 fee, passes a national background check, and registers their hammer in a national database.

Then Janet Hasson can publish a map of all hammer owners, because parents deserve to know if any of their neighbors own construction equipment.

About stevengoddard

Just having fun
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18 Responses to Editorial : Start A National Registry Of Hammer Owners

  1. Marian says:

    Time to start a national registry of baseball bat and golf club owners also.
    Along with a national registry of knives, axes, chainsaws and all kind of sharp or socalled potential dangerous objects. We could include video recorders in that then.Since a woman bludgeoned to death her husband with one during a out of hand domestic dispute!

  2. Bob Honiker says:

    We should start a White House petition!

  3. gator69 says:

    Nearly 37,000 people committed suicide in the US in 2011, and the rate is on the increase, apparently the ban is not working.

    • Marian says:


      We’ll have to put a ban on all electrical cords, ropes and trouser belts. Just incase someone wants to hang themselves!

    • Interesting factoid: The reason why firearm related deaths are so high (nearly as high as car accidents) in the US, is because it is a preferred method of committing suicide. Nearly 60% of all firearm deaths are suicides.

      • nigelf says:

        It’s preferred because the failure rate is next to nothing. Use the right tool for the job if you want the job done right.

      • gator69 says:

        The figure is about 55%, and it is also preferred because it is much less painful than most alternatives.

        This is why refugees from Africa have begged to be shot, rather than sent back.

  4. MikeTheDenier says:

    I have an itty bitty rock hammer. Does that count?

  5. No doubt those who also own sickles will insist on being exempt.

  6. Ivan says:

    “A swimming pool is 14 times more likely than a motor vehicle to be involved in the death of a child age 4 and under.”
    We urgently need Janet Hasson to publish a map of all swimming pool owners.

  7. You all are missing the point. The most dangerous weapon of all is man’s mind. It was man’s mind that invented all those dangerous things. It was man’s mind that decided to use those things to hurt and kill others. Obviously, we need to register all functioning minds and make sure a safety lock is installed so they can’t think any new thoughts and invent even more dangerous things that can be used in even more harmful ways.

    Actually this is not so far fetched as it might appear on the surface. That is because the net effect of all the rules, regulations, licensing, alphabet agencies, and the like is to bind the mind of man so that it cannot function. The mind is supposed to function by permission and on command. Otherwise, it is to stay asleep and accept whatever insanity is forced upon it by the Government. It is said that the Government is only doing it for our own good and for the children – especially the children. At least by those who wish to control us.

    Stay awake and refuse to obey. They need you far more than you need them. They cannot exist without the products of your mind but you can get along just fine without what they do to stop you from using your mind.

  8. gator69 says:

    “Bank of America has reportedly frozen the account of gun manufacturer American Spirit Arms, according to its owner, Joe Sirochman.

    In a Facebook post dated December 29, Sirochman wrote the following:

    “My name is Joe Sirochman owner of American Spirit Arms…our Web site orders have jumped 500 percent causing our Web site e-commerce processing larger deposits to Bank of America. So they decided to hold the deposits for further review.

    “After countless hours on the phone with Bank of America, I finally got a manager in the right department that told me the reason that the deposits were on hold for further review — her exact words were — ‘We believe you should not be selling guns and parts on the Internet.’”


    Bank of South America? We the people should find another bank.

  9. Andy OZ says:


    Americans are 100 times more likely to die from falling over than from a rifle.
    Standing up and walking around should be banned in the US.

  10. Larry Fields says:

    Hey Steven,
    You forgot to mention the part about carry permits for potentially violent hammer owners who go out in public! And what about the tool belt–even without the hammer? Wearing that could be construed as making a violent threat.

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