A Few Things To Know Before Moving To Colorado

  • Forests burn. Some species of pine trees in Colorado can not reproduce without regular catastrophic crown fires. If you build your house in the pine forest, it will burn.
  • Flood plains flood. If you build your house on a flood plain below a constricted canyon draining 1,000 square miles of the Rocky Mountains, it is going to flood. Upslope winds on mountains frequently produce extreme amounts of rain and snow.
  • Coloradans like rifles. Shooting is one of the most popular forms of recreation. If you don’t like rifles, stay in California where the Bill of Rights is illegal.
  • Winter here is very long. Don’t make a decision to move here based on a vacation you took in August.

Most important. If you do move here with your Prius smug and build your house in a stupid place, don’t blame CO2 for your stupidity. And keep your hands off the Bill of Rights.

About stevengoddard

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11 Responses to A Few Things To Know Before Moving To Colorado

  1. Robertv says:

    Sounds like a great place to live. Nederland is also nearby so what do you need more.

    • Harry says:

      Nederland is one of three stronghold settlements, including Montezuma, and Boulder, of what is left of where the old hippies go to expire (although they are thinning out in Montezuma, thankfully, at least) , sooner or later, and is the home to where one individual is on ice who hopes to be reconstructed, (one would hope as a staunch conservative), after all his years on ice. Hence the annual dead man days celebration.

      I’m telling you all, stay away, we’re all nuts up here, BOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

  2. Jason Calley says:

    It is perhaps unfortunate, but we humans like to brag a bit when we have found a nice place. I plan to retire to a different state from where I now live. The area I will move to is relatively uncrowded and quite rural. I really love the place, but no longer tell people how nice it is there. Instead, I make jokes about how red neck and uneducated the populace is there. I complain about the school system, the ethics, the taxes and the availability of goods there. I talk about how hard it is to find a job there.

    If you like an area that is still sane, don’t encourage the masses to move there.

    • The MSM says that Colorado is simultaneously burning, desiccating and flooding – and is populated by gun toting baby killers who refuse to listen to Obama’s common sense destruction of the Bill of Rights.

      • Robertv says:

        For a lot of Americans those would be good reasons not to move to Colorado.

      • Harry says:

        Also there is this:

        [ADDENDUM, REMEMBER, WE GET FREQUENT FEET OF HAIL, LOTS OF GRAPEFRUIT SIZED HAIL, THE SECOND GREATEST LIGHTNING STRIKE ZONE IN THE U.S. (barely behind Fla.), BEGINS AT THE PALMER DIVIDE, TORNADO ALLEY BEGINS THERE TOO, AND RUNS NORTH ALL ALONG THE FRONT RANGE PLAINS, AND RUINS MUCH ALL ALONG THE WIDE TORNADO CORRIDOR.

        WE ARE GIVEN TO RUGGED TOUGH ENDEAVORS AND RECREATIONS, PICKUPS AND SUVS AND WE ARE INDEPENDENT. WE ARE ROUGH, INELEGANT, NOT LIKE THE CULTURED, AND OH SO CULTIVATED EAST. TSK, TSK! WE’RE ALL CONSERVATIVE SMELLY MOUNTAIN MEN, WITH BEARS AS PETS! YOU DON’T LIKE IT HERE!!!!]

  3. Colorado Wellington says:

    Also, Progressives must avoid Colorado. Unlike conservatives, who don’t need to think too much and do well at high altitudes tending to their herds, Progressives require more oxygen for their brain functions than is available at 5000 ft and higher. Hypoxia causes enduring abnormalities of their cognitive functions and those unfortunate erstwhile progressive thinkers suffer severe cases of poor judgment and hallucinations.

    They apply for driver’s licenses never needed in Manhattan, buy guns, vote to recall progressive lawmakers over guns, shoot guns and write strange letters about guns to friends and families left behind at sea level. Their old friends talk about them at parties and say they joined the NRA and married their cousins which is not true because the cousins got scared by their weird talk and cut them off.

    Some Progressives notice their strange thoughts and try to counter their oxygen deprivation by exercise, sitting cross-legged, reading Mother Jones while hanging upside down in the attic, listening to Pacifica radio and Keith Olbermann reruns for 72 hours straight and visiting oxygen bars. It never works. Some of them end up buying picks and shovels to dig their way down to the enormous crystal cave under Boulder, others try to live off the land and ask to marry the neighboring farmer’s goat. Neither kind are ever seen again.

    It’s not a pretty sight. Progressives must avoid Colorado.

  4. You Are All Tools says:

    I’ve read awesome things about Colorado. Here’s a site I stumbled upon: http://www.movoto.com/co/moving-to-colorado/

    I hope most of you are being sarcastic..HARRY, YOU ARE THE BIGGEST TOOL ON THE INTERNET. QUIT BEING A NEGATIVE NANCY AND THINKING YOU”RE BETTER THAN EVERYONE ELSE! I hope I never run into you when I move there. Also, if you’re in good shape, the altitude is no big deal..

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