Climate Model Release

// Most climate models are written in Fortran, 
// but I have developed a more accurate one in C++
// Note that method fundingDriesUp() is virtual
// and can be overridden by an educated Congress

class ClimateScam
{
public:
    static const bool WISHFUL_THINKING = false;

    ClimateScam()
    {
        m_global_warming_scam = true;
        m_global_cooling_scam = false;
    }

    ~ClimateScam()
    {
        switchBackToGlobalCoolingScam();
    }
    
    void model();
    virtual void dataTamper() = 0;
    virtual void getCaughtDataTampering() = 0;
    virtual void makeBSPublicRelationsStatement() = 0;
    bool noWarmingFor18years() { return true; }
    virtual bool fundingDriesUp() { return WISHFUL_THINKING; }

    void switchBackToGlobalCoolingScam()
    {
        m_global_warming_scam = false;
        m_global_cooling_scam = true;
    }

private:
    bool m_global_cooling_scam;
    bool m_global_warming_scam;
};

void ClimateScam::model()
{
    while(m_global_warming_scam)
    {
        dataTamper();
        sleep( rand(10000) );
        getCaughtDataTampering();
        sleep( rand(10000) );
        makeBSPublicRelationsStatement();
        std::cout << "Goddard may have been right about this"
                  << "one but was wrong about everything else" 
                  << std::endl;
        sleep( rand(10000) );
   
        if ( rand(10000) == 0 
             && noWarmingFor18years() 
             && fundingDriesUp() )
        {
            // Destructor automatically switches back to global 
            // cooling scam;
            delete this;
        }
    }
}

int main()
{
    ClimateScam* global_warming_scam = new ClimateScam();
    global_warming_scam.model();
}